Citizen 774 Chamomili

“Are you ready?” Evernia peaked through the curtain, and immediately pushed all the way into the room upon seeing what was happening inside. “What’s wrong?”

“I just, I don’t know!” Chamomili wailed through tears. “Everything is ready and I still feel like something is going to go wrong.”

“Hmmm, can you pinpoint anything in particular that is making you feel that way?”

Chamomili cast around, trying to find the source of the feeling and drew a blank, this sense of foreboding flickered on the edge of her consciousness, impossible to pin down. She shook her head, unsure.

“It might just be jitters. You have spent a lot of time planning this, you and Ervio. I think you should have faith that you have made a good plan and let Iola and I handle any missteps. You can relax and let the day take you where it may. We are here to support you, you are here to celebrate and make a promise with Ervio.” Evernia’s eyes softened and she reached forward to hold Chamomili’s cheek. “Deep breath.”

Chamomili leaned into Evernia’s hand and filled her lungs with oxygen, something she hadn’t realized they were sorely needing. “Thank you, I am ready.”

When Chamomili stood, her dress flowed around her ankles like frothing sea foam against the beach. Her normally messy mane was teased and tamed into a controlled twisting braided hairstyle down her neck and proudly displayed on her ear was her promise to Ervio, an earring set with gems the same reddish orange of Ervio’s magic carved with the fire’s of her forge. She felt radiant, she felt beautiful, worthy of the promises Ervio was going to make to her in return. It was the culmination of years of a dance back and forth between them into something heady, something solid, something exciting.

“Yes, I am ready,” and she walked out the room and into her wedding.

The Temple of the Elders in Atlas hosted ceremonies every day, though none featuring quite so beautiful an array of blooms. Chamomili had outdone herself. Lining the walls, bursting from their vases: deep purple delphiniums, pale pink hydrangeas, and delicate yellow dahlias. Chamomili had lined the ceilings with dripping wisteria and the walkways with sunflowers. Seeing it in its final glory, a testament to her craft, the stress of putting it all together was worth it. The place smelled wonderful, a garden transported indoors, though for Chamomili, she was surrounded in her favourite floral scent. Carefully braided into her hair and wrapping her tail and arms were tiny perfect sweet peas. 

“You look perfect,” Iola’s voice was soft in wonder. 

Iola’s eyes were watering beneath her crown of hyacinths and Chamomili reached out to rub beneath her eye. “You aren’t allowed to cry, because if you cry, I’ll cry and my eyes will get all puffy. Who wants puffy eyes on their wedding day?”

Iola laughed and reached back to her mother. “No one would want that. It is gorgeous here, I think you did a wonderful job. I bet you that people for years to come are going to gossip about how your wedding was the prettiest they had ever seen.”

“What people? The guest list isn’t that big,” Chamomili paused and rethought that for a second. “Is it?”

“Just friends, but they love you and I bet the whole dome is going to hear about your efforts by the end of the week, with only a little bit of embellishment.”

“As long as it’s only a little, I don’t want any future customers coming to me with unrealistic expectations. Even with realistic expectations, I don’t know if I would do something quite so grand for another person’s wedding.” Chamomili paused and stared at her daughter for a second. “Unless it is your wedding, I can do this again for you.”

“I think we are a ways away from worrying about my wedding. We still have to get through yours this week.” 

“I forgot this was going to last a week, it feels like everything after the promise ceremony doesn’t exist. Have you seen Ervio yet? Is she doing ok?”

“She’s doing fine. You are going to see her soon, and don’t think you are wheedling anything else out of me. You can be patient and see how she’s done herself up for you in front of an audience so we have witnesses to your sappiness.”

Chamomili could only smile in response. A strange calm had flooded her frayed nerves as they approached the heavy doors to the ceremony chamber. Everything was in place, and she was going to be married in just a few moments, the rest of her little worries didn’t matter any more. 

Standing at the doors, in her place was Evernia, she would hold a position just inside throughout the ceremony, ostensibly protecting this entrance from interlopers but generally representing Chamomili’s past and a life that she can return to should she decide to flee the altar through her entrance. Evernia was taking her role as Guardian with great import, since Chamomili didn’t have any older family members to ask. Instead of a dress, the seaglass rexal wore a trim toga, with plenty of folds which didn’t hide that it was designed for quick movement. At her side, a long handled axe rested head down, each golden edge gleaming in the torch light, ready to be hefted and bar entry once she assumed her post. Yellow eyes twinkled with amusement as she eyed the pair.

The doors swung open with just a light push from the Guardian. Chamomili was buffeted by the sound of music, heralding her entrance. Without needing to look, she knew the door swung closed silently, and that her best friend stood in front of it, her support always present. Iola’s hand gently rested on Chamomili’s arm and the pair continued forward. Immediately to their left were the guests, smiling and eagerly drinking in the sight of the bride and her finery. Before her was the altar and beyond that, Ervio’s door.

They hadn’t timed it perfectly, Chamomili had already taken a few steps when the door across the room swung open and she was granted a view of her partner. Ervio was dressed in a stunning pale pink dress, complimenting her coat colour perfectly. It draped down her arms before gathering at her wrists, a style that she never wore due to its impracticality in a glass workshop. It drew Chamomili’s attention to glittering rings on her fingers and from there the chains that draped across her throat plate, the flickering flame of candles reflected off little glass gems and Ervio sparkled, stunning and ethereal. 

Chamomili didn’t let herself falter, but she knew that her face hid nothing when Ervio grinned across the space at her.

Ervio had once expressed to Chamomili that she missed feeling feminine and beautiful. That as a larger rex with muscular shoulders, with callouses and sometimes suit streaking her fur, Ervio sometimes wished to be someone completely different, delicate and small. It was hard to understand in this moment, in front of all these people, staring at her soon to be wife, how anyone, Ervio included, could look at her and be anything other than awed.

Ervio’s door swung shut and Dreiton took his position, his goofy grin absolutely destroying any chance of being taken seriously as a Guardian. Regardless, Chamomili could see his grip on his weapon was firm, and solid. He wasn’t negligent in his duties to Ervio.

Iola stopped a couple steps back from the center of the stage, as Chamomili’s daughter, soon to be Ervio’s, her part in the promises came after making their vows to each other. It was a relief to have her up here, even if it made the entire thing look “unbalanced”. Iola’s complaints on the matter were ignored easily by both Ervio and Chamomili. Regardless, these last few steps were Chamomili’s to make alone.

They crashed together in the middle of the room and the hall filled with raucous applause. Ervio managed to not look too silly bending down to give Chamomili a kiss while dipping her gracefully to the delight of their audience. 

When they faced their crowd they were only slightly breathless and their clothes were only lightly mussed. In this moment, it was like looking out at the sky and occasionally picking out a whale from the shapes beyond, friendly faces swam in and out of the blue: Aphantasia and Mausoleum sitting in the front, Junebug jittering excitedly in the middle, Nepotis a few rows back lounging without a care, and a disgruntled Killian in a far corner. So many rexals, all a part of Chamomili’s journey to this moment, here to celebrate her next step. Together with Ervio, they held their clasped hands straight in front of them, as if they were making an offering to the room. Silence descended.

“We promise.” Their two voices rang out together in tandem, echoing through the hall. The effect was worth all the practice of squeezing their hands to try and time it perfectly.

Chamomili started, “I promise to hold you close, to share my sadness and joy. I promise to make you laugh more than I make you cry.”

“I promise to keep you warm. I promise to listen to your worries and your excitement. I promise to love you forever and always.”

The moment that the priest came forward with their tie was electric, Chamomili needed to remind herself not to hold her breath, she wasn’t going to pass out in front of all of her friends. The long piece of shimmery fabric had been supplied by Ryaki, who had been ecstatic to present it to the couple, saying, “family ties are so important, to be a part of yours- Thank you, you are the best friends I could ask for.” It’s entire length was embroidered with colourful thread, lining it with wishes of health, luck and happiness.

“A new family forms, let this tie you together in this life and the next.” The priest was a solemn fellow, clearly taking his role in the proceedings seriously. He gestured behind them, beckoning Iola forward. “Child, welcome to this union. You may hold the ties that bind it.”

Dark purple hands gently grasp the free ends of the rope, a part of the circle, but unbound; free to drop the ties at any time and make her own way in the world and form her own different family. Hopefully she would hold onto her parents a while longer, Chamomili wasn’t quite ready for her to fly the coop, even if she and Ervio were moving out to Loudi, away from Iola and her new workshop. 

“You may greet your child. As long as she holds her ties to you, Chamomili and Ervio, you are Iola’s parents and you accept all the duties that role requires.”

It took only a gentle tug of their combined hands to pull Iola forward so that Ervio and Chamomili can each rub a cheek on one of hers, surrounding her in their love. When Iola stepped back, Chamomili could see Iola’s soft smile and bashful eyes for a moment before she turned to the crowd and held up her parents’ bound hands.

If Chamomili had thought that the noise during their kiss was raucous, this was deafening. Before the Elders, before her friends, Chamomili had forged her new family in love and in promises, ones she would never break. It was perfect, everything exactly as she wished it to be, and now it was time to celebrate. She had a whole week to crow to the world her success before the world would tire of her proclamations, she may as well milk it for all it was worth.

Chamomili is awoken in the middle of the night by a bang and a rhythmic thump. She curses to herself as she stumbles out of bed and down the hall into her daughter’s room. Iola has fallen out of her nest and is convulsing on the floor.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, and Chamomili finds herself at a loss, just like all the other times, watching her daughter twist and shudder before her. She kneels beside her daughter and carefully slips a folded cloth under her head.

As the child calms, her mother pets her head, smoothing down sweat matted fur and wiping away the tears that slipped from now open green eyes. As Iola sobs and clings to her mother, Chamomili rests her head against her daughter’s, closes her eyes, and hums a gentle lullaby.

~

Chamomili had wanted to bring Iola right to the dome after the little rex had accepted her offer of family. The storms that had driven them together on the Posian islands hadn’t abated before Chamomili had asked the question. The two had spent many long days in the secured shelter after Chamomili had escorted the residents of Floxen’s orphanage to safety. The time for Chamomili to return home was rapidly approaching; the isles didn’t have enough resources to care for their own citizens through this catastrophe, much less for the flood of volunteers from the dome. Chamomili’s task was complete, and she was set to return home, back to safety and away from the seemingly never ending storm, and she wanted to take Iola with her.

It was rushed. It was frantic clutching onto something bright you found when you were desperate in the dark, begging for a light. It was a mistake, it was going to haunt Chamomili for the rest of her life.

~

At breakfast that morning, Iola stares at her bowl as her spoon trembles in her hand. Each little tap of metal against porcelain rings out into the silent room, echoing off the walls.

“Momma?” The question shatters the uncomfortable quiet, and it feels like suddenly the room is filled with air again.

“Yes?”

“I want to-” The little rex seemed to be searching for the words, the trembling of her hands getting more pronounced. The spoon falls to the table, slipping between feeble fingers. Iola suddenly gives into her frustration and slams her hand on the table, causing the cutlery to jump and clatter back to the table in a cacophony.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” Chamomili reaches out and pulls her daughter’s chin to face her and looks her daughter in the eyes. “I know that it is hard, but no matter how hard it is, know that I will be here and I will wait however long it takes.”

~

Chamomili spent hours with Iola, explaining the spell that the dome rexals used to dive to the bottom of the ocean. They took over a bath in the bunker for an afternoon, practicing what they could before taking a plunge into the sea. It wasn’t ideal, Chamomili thought to herself, but Iola is smart and skilled, and Mili  will be there to help. The dive to the dome would be long, but after they were below the surface the havoc of the storm would be behind them, and it would be smooth sailing. At least, that was what Chamomili had hoped.

After all, how else do you get a child down to the dome?

~

Chamomili hasn’t slept a full night in what feels like months, neither has Iola. Either the child is awoken by nightmares or by uncontrollable seizures. Chamomili hopes that she is exaggerating, there must have been a couple of nights in there of undisturbed sleep, but she cannot remember them. It’s starting to take a toll on both of them. Chamomili keeps forgetting the simplest of things, her brain working at a sluggish pace. She's broken more dishware in the past two weeks than she ever did as a child.  And Iola, well, Iola…

A scream and a crash reverberates through the home. “I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!”

Chamomili rushes into the living room to find her child kneeling on the floor surrounded by books. A wax tablet and stylus flies across the room, crashing into the wall and tumbling down to lie with their fallen brethren.

Iola is already winding up with her last tablet, furious tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. She let out a raw scream as she hurled it and immediately broke down into loud sobs.

Chamomili scrambles to comfort her child and trips over the scattered books. Her sluggish mind didn’t have time to respond to the sensation of falling and instead of recovering, she slams into Iola, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

Iola looks up at her dazed mother with uncontrolled fury, clearly in pain from the sudden tackle, and spits the venom in her veins, lashing out at the world, “I hate you.”

~

The two rexals left the bunker with nothing to their name, just each other and a smile at the sky. The storm had moved a little further along the coast; the sky was overcast, the wind tugged at their fur, and the rain still fell in sheets, but this was the gentlest weather the two had seen in days. It was their chance, their moment to start their journey to safety, to home.

Chamomili smiled as Iola splashed into the ocean dramatically before resurfacing full of giggles. “Ready to go?”

“Yes! I can’t wait to see the farm, and the sun again.”

Iola hadn’t believed Chamomili when she had told the child that the sun shone just as brightly under the sea as it used to shine over the islands.  The cavern rex immediately started planning hikes and sunbathing, clambering over Chamomili to secure promises of adventures under a cloudless sky.

“The sooner we dive, the sooner we get to see the sun.” Chamomili offered her hand and the two descended into the ocean, towards their future together.

~

Chamomili scrambles back from her daughter, trying to tamp down on the hurt that immediately welled up in her. Iola is hurt, and frustrated, and probably sleep deprived, she doesn’t mean it, she can’t.

~

The water was strangely calm beneath the surface. It had been like this on the trip up as well, but with all the chaos of the last few weeks, Chamomili had forgotten. Under the water the sound of rain quickly disappeared; the whipping winds crashed into the surface and dissipated.

Iola looked around in wonder, she clearly was just as amazed by the sudden switch as Chamomili.

The new mother looked over her new child and reached out to connect telepathically, “try out the spell, get yourself a good breath of air before we go any deeper.”

Iola flared her green magic, so like Chamomili’s, and smiled at her mother as she inhaled a deep breath of slightly salty air.

~

Sometimes Chamomili wonders if Iola would be happier if she hadn’t brought the child to the dome. In the moment, it had seemed like the best outcome, the two had a burgeoning love and the islands were in turmoil. Iola without a family to care for her, and Chamomili getting lonely on her farm.

Maybe, if she had considered all the potential flaws of her plan, Chamomili could have prevented the pain Iola faces now.

~

It started suddenly. Everything was fine and serene, the pair was well over the halfway point to the dome and Chamomili was starting to feel the rising excitement of approaching home. When she looked over at Iola to express her burgeoning joy, she turned just in time to see the little rex light her magic and watch as it sputtered while the child took a breath.

Chamomili was at Iola’s side in an instant, fluttering her hands around the child as immature magic flared with its owner's panic overwhelmed her. Green eyes filled with panic as Iola struggled to get anything under control. Chamomili struggled to pull herself together and set up a rescue breath for the little one.

Chamomili saw Iola’s eyes lose their awareness, their shine, as her daughter fell limp in her arms.

~

Iola runs into the table with a hiss. Chamomili immediately starts to coach her as the doctor had suggested, with her calmest voice despite her choking fear, “just breathe darling, please. In and out, let’s count it out together, 1... 2…”

Iola’s choked voice rasps into the room,  “the mists, the dark, it’s coming for me.”

“No, no dear, you just need to breathe and it will go away. Please.”

~

“Breathe! Please, Iola,” Chamomili shouted through their telepathic bond, as she flared her magic trying to maintain the breathing spell in her child’s mouth constantly, in case the girl finally hears her and takes a breath.

The rex was catapulting through the water at an impossible clip towards the dome. She can see the light emanating into the surrounding water, she can still feel her daughter’s fluttering heartbeat, she still has time.

Hopefully she can arrive with some to spare.

~

It was a long day, Chamomili finally got Iola calm and in bed. Now, the starshine rex is nursing a cup of tea on the porch, staring up at the stars and keeping one ear on the quiet sound of her daughter’s breathing. It is smooth and unencumbered for the moment.

The effects of Iola’s drowning hadn’t abated in the months since and Chamomili is starting to suspect that they will never let go of her child. The two of them will need to learn to live with them and hopefully with time Iola’s struggles with them will lessen.

Chamomili stares into her tea, letting the steam fill her vision and let her tears fall into the cup. Her daughter is hurting, suffering, because Chamomili hadn’t considered that a several hour swim without breaks would be too much for a tween, a little pup.

All Chamomili can do is be here for the little one for as long as she wants her to be. Maybe, at some point, Iola will no longer be able to handle being around the architect of her struggles and will find a different family within the dome, but she will never be able to leave, not in her condition. Chamomili has brought Iola to a prison at the bottom of the sea, and she can never free her.

All these depressing thoughts swirled at the bottom of her tea and when Chamomili took another sip, she could taste the salt of her tears in the drink.

“Hey,” the soft voice startles Chamomili into almost dropping her tea. She spins around and comes face to face with her oldest friend, Evernia.

Chamomili can’t stop the flow of tears, but they start to stream down her face with earnest and she hiccups out, “E-evie!”

The seaglass rex gathers her friend up into her arms, and cradles Chamomili close. “Hi Chamomili, I am sorry it took me so long. I am here now, and I will be here as long as you need me.”

Chamomili sighed as she flopped down in her nest at Canto’s. She was fully grown and needed to curl in on herself to fit within the pillows. It’s almost time to move out, but she hadn’t completed her coming of age ceremony. ‘It’s not like everyone gets lucky, like Evernia, and runs into a damsel in distress. Some people need to wait, and once they get sick and tired of the wait they need to actually plan something.’

She turned over and sighed, ‘I may as well go for a dive, I am a bit predisposed to it.’ She contemplates her furred arms; she had learned in one of her classes years ago that as a furred rex she will have an easier time than her armored counterparts in the deep ocean. She will be able to stay warmer for longer and therefore can travel greater distances. Chamomili has completed the mandatory swimming lessons at Canto’s, but she hadn’t left the dome to swim in the deep sea.

‘It’s a problem for tomorrow.’ She did a quick circle and settled down to sleep in a little curl, holding herself, tomorrow she would start her journey to adulthood.

Canto listened as Chamomili explained her plan and smiled at her, “It’s always bittersweet when you younglings leave to complete your ceremony. You are ready, but why diving? You never seemed to show any interest in it.”

“Well, I am interested in getting my own garden. Kokkina is getting old and she says she isn’t going to keep maintaining her garden in the city. I know how to swim, I never really mastered hunting, seems to be the most reasonable course of action.”

Canto chuckled and gave Chamomili a pat on the head. “I hope it all works out in your favour then. Come back with your souvenir and a tale and I will help find you a place to make your new home.”

“Thank you Canto!” Chamomili rushes forward and hugs the pink rex, luxuriating in his comfort, potentially for the last time as a pup in his care.

When Mili tumbled out of Canto’s room, she ran practically right into Zinia. “Where are you off to in such a rush?”

“I am going for a dive, to the depths, for my coming of age.”

“A dive? Do you even know how to swim?” Zinia gives a little laugh. “I guess you couldn’t put together an offering for the ancients so you figure diving in the depths is easier? I hope you make it back, but I won’t be holding my breath.”

Chamomili didn’t respond to Zinia, instead turning tail and scurrying down the hallway. Zinia had a harsh way of saying what everyone was thinking, including Chamomili herself. She doesn’t stop until she is standing before the edge of the dome, looking at the fabric that makes up her reality, the border holding back the whole weight of the sea.

What was she doing? She wasn’t brave, and she needed to be if she was going to accomplish any of the trials. Was she ready to be an adult if she wasn’t prepared to confront those fears? ‘Does it matter? I want to live my own life and be my own rex. I am not a puppy anymore and if I have to complete some task to have that be acknowledged, then I will.’

So it wasn’t conventional bravery or bravado that accompanied Chamomili through the walls of the Dome, but a need to prove herself and a need to move on. The yellow rex held her breath for a couple seconds, taking the time to make sure that her breathing spell was in place before she took her first careful breaths in the ocean.

Directly outside of the dome, the sea was lit by the light of the dome itself, but the further and deeper the furred rex swam, the darker and darker it got. As the ocean around her got darker, the more she had to rely on the light of her halo. It was a surprise when she found that outside the ring of her halo light, Chamomili started to see other light, bioluminescent light and the light from volcanic vents. The green halo light dimmed as she peered out, hoping to see more of the quiet glow of the world around her.

The deepest part of the trench was magical, filled with alien creatures and mesmerizing plants. Chamomili stopped to appreciate this new world and it hit her, how much there is that she hasn’t seen yet and how terribly far away from home she was. The realization buffeted her like a storm wind, and she couldn’t help herself; she looked around in desperation, for any sign of her world, that she wasn’t alone in this strange new place. There was nothing to comfort her here. A flash of light and Chamomili whirled to confront… a curious octopus. Along its legs were nodes of light and the rex’s green magic shone through its body, lighting up the sea behind it. Long lithe legs extend to surround the breathing spell, poking at Chamomili’s only protection from drowning.

“No, no, no, don’t do that, it’s not for you.” She tried to bat the creature away, careful to not scratch the delicate thing with her claws. The octopus startled and propelled away, disappearing into the dark. Chamomili follows its path with her eyes and cautiously continues forward.

The octopus led her in a brightly lit alcove, as if the sun had found its way into the depths. The walls of the cavern were lined with luminescent stones, bathing everything in a soft pink glow. Among the stones, life thrived. So far from the surface, so far from home, life still found a way. Chamomili was floating, marvelling at the oasis before her when the transparent octopus popped up in front of her face suddenly. She gave a little yelp as her head reared back, trying to create space between herself and the curious creature. The octopus floats and waits for the rex to calm and notice the offering it had extended with one tentacle. Extended to her was a shard of glowing crystal, shining that captivating pale pink through the octopus’s outstretched arm.

“For me?”

The octopus drifted closer and waved the stone at the bewildered rex and Chamomili stretched out her hand, pads up. The octopus released the crystal and it floated down, until it came to a gentle stop in her grasp.

“Thank you,” the rex says with a little bow to the octopus, who gives a little spin before shooting off into the cracks and crevices of the stone.

Chamomili brought the stone up to her chest, to her heart, and sighed. What a wonderful reminder of prosperity in the most unlikely of places, maybe it will be a good reminder to her as she moves into her own home, into her own life, once she gets back to the dome.